Wonder Phase of Life: College

Why are few things difficult when those could be easier? Why do I have to insist upon my ideals with a team which believes in something totally different? Why do I have to interfere in everything, just to make sure things are going well? And then standing at the receiving end with all the blame pouring out on me. 

We had started as a team which somewhere got drifted from its main line, or theme. Why? No answers for this, I suppose - it is just in exercising authority and power. But how far can one go about in doing so? This I have seen, standing at both the ends; of a performer and a viewer, (exercising authority and being exercised upon). Then finally there is a day when you are all at guilt. With people throwing bits at you, their intelligence gives them the authority to be judgemental about one person, that that one person almost dies within one's being. 

There is an end to all the suffering you say it, or there is always a beginning of the suffering. Not wishful, you have to stand at the pulpit where the world watches you and throws stones at you, one after the another. You are no longer the sight to see, you are told - you are no one, and your efforts sum up to nothing. But are they wrong in saying this? I would say, No. They are absolutely correct. 

Somewhere in realising a dream for everyone, I nearly forgot that it was not all about me and the work. For, it was everyone else's work as well and they were equally responsible for it, not me alone. Taking up the charge was a mistake I believe, and not letting them breathe in freedom, I feel I were an entrapper. But now as the days pass by, I feel that the people I thought were mine, and near me; are no more wanting to be near me. I am not talking of everyone, but few of them. Today I feel a failure for not letting them exit my side with any good memories but bad ones. Although I may say that I have nearly died today - but I won't accept that it is the end. I just believe that in my next initiatives, I will do only my work and let other people do what they think they can do well. After all, it's not mine alone - but journey of everyone who is in the team around me. 

Walking past, walking away might be difficult for you at this moment. But believe me, it is the beginning of a phase of life, when you know yourself better, your work better and your dream even better. You are sentimental as every being is, you are emotional and keep things to your heart, your closed ones and your diary as many other people would do. But you dream like nobody, it is unique; and maybe, that is the same with everybody. All of them are led with unique dreams, and their dreams are as closer to them as they are to anyone else, or even me. 

I feel dear diary, that what I lagged behind was because of inexperience to handle, to manage people and my inability to create a structure or a team. Still I felt, I had to give my best shot; and what I could not learn earlier, I learnt it now.

College has given to me A LOT. A LOT, that will definitely create me as a better person. I have fallen in love with these two years and two months in college life. It is beautiful in short. Today I understand the reason behind people regarding it as the wonder phase of life.  

There are many things you do not know anything about. It does not mean, you should not try them. It just means that you should try learning, and managing different aspects of a plan, with a calm mind. As it is very well said and suits up for me as an advice is, "A calm mind can overcome even a storm." (Advertisement Tagline) 

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Gagandeep Singh Vaid

Me, (Dated: August 2015)