Story of likeness and trust! Chapter-18
XVIII
My life had moved very casually. Yet, it was about this point of time that I took everyday very casually. As if, I had lost the rhythm of my life. Yes, although I played guitar, but those were all old tunes that I worked on again and again. I would remember, how I was once in love with my passion for music. But, I had become casual towards my passion as the time passed. This I agree!
When, I met Devika and Diya; I observed them, how happy they were in their lives. Diya, was finding peace in her art, while Devika had reasons to be happy. She had always listened to her heart. I wondered, if I could be at her place and somewhere be like her. When I could understand where my life was going every other step, that I were to take. I just dreamt and dreamt, that day. I was sitting on a sofa, and my eyes were set on the guitar. I could see dust laden on its bridge, and how I hadn't noticed it earlier. I felt miserable, the hundredth time that day. It wasn't just about that day alone, for; it had been a continuation of years and years back and forth. My regrets had been adding upon, but I couldn't do much. I was in such a fix, that to attain happiness I could only feel the glory of other people. I wasn't jealous, but I was just sad. That, why didn't I pursue my dream? That why I hadn't taken a stand for my passion? Just why?
By referring to my passion that I couldn't continue the way I could have for my own good, I remember the reason why I had started playing the guitar. I remember, her. Dhreti. I was in eighth standard, when I had met her first. She was a person, who made me feel so close to her, and in the meanwhile she had left. I had waited and waited for Dhreti, but she never came back. She was never mine, so why would she even come my way? I reflected at the stupidity of my past beliefs. But, I waited for her still. It was through my music, that I could sense her smile, that I could feel she was looking at me. While, I was sitting at the sea-shore, it was Dhreti who came and sat next to me. How, I had been in love, with someone who didn't even care for me. Said the reality. I said; "Right! I was stupid, yet a lover." Lovers are lovers. You dare not speak anything against them. I respect them, because I know, how it was to be one.
Then, after she disappeared from school; I never found out her whereabouts. I was such a loser! Still kept with a belief that she would come back to say me a hello, that maybe she liked me too; whereas I had loved her with all my heart. The person, who was light to my day. Yes, I go on saying all these things because I know I was a true lover. I don't want to add on much, to my grief, but I could never move on. Just because, I never expected anything more in life. More meant, her physical presence; that didn't matter in the coming days. She was with me, I thought. Said my imaginary world. In the hum of music, she was there with me. In my beliefs, she had loved me. But, what I feel is that; I can't be with her always. That, maybe I have started to lose interest in her lately. This I say because, I am busy most of the time dealing with the stock market, and then with the accounts of business companies. In this fast moving world, I wonder; where do I get time, to spend with her? In past days my music meant to me everything, because she was everything to me. She taught me manners. The boy, who didn't know how to utter a single word to a girl, could sooner become a member of the school choir, she would have never thought so. Just because, I never said it to her, what I had in my heart for her. On the other hand, she was so beautiful a person that she did all that good to me, she made my life worth living. I learnt things because I had a reason to learn for.
Yes, I had learnt guitar to impress her with strumming, with playing those heartfelt notes, which I wasn't able to express to her in words. I was shy, and she had known this very nature of mine. So, whatever beauty I got in my life was because of her. So, I had felt that within my music, she was present. I had loved her, I had loved music. No one could take them away from me. But, then I had my responsibilities and I had to leave my guitar from my 'passion' and 'dream' to move it to a mere tag of a 'hobby'.
I had seen my guitar longing for me, and I played it and played all my favourite childhood songs that day. I was happy that instant. This I felt because I caught sight of Dhreti yet again. People may call me a romantic fool but let them say it, at least I am with my love, and that's all what matters to me even today, when I sing. I know, she smiles back at me.
As all this happened to my life, so I questioned myself regarding my state. I knew that my life couldn't go casually forever. I had to take control of it. I had to leave the bus that was taking me wherever it willed. I had to change the direction of my bus, and move towards a journey that would let me breathe love every single moment and yes, I don't want to wait for ten hours every day, after work to catch my guitar. I have known now, what my dream was and is. I was just looking for the right moment to realise it. Yes, I can do it. Yes, I could live up to my dreams, with my love. I could be an, Artist yet again. I have realised it, this moment.
My life had moved very casually. Yet, it was about this point of time that I took everyday very casually. As if, I had lost the rhythm of my life. Yes, although I played guitar, but those were all old tunes that I worked on again and again. I would remember, how I was once in love with my passion for music. But, I had become casual towards my passion as the time passed. This I agree!
When, I met Devika and Diya; I observed them, how happy they were in their lives. Diya, was finding peace in her art, while Devika had reasons to be happy. She had always listened to her heart. I wondered, if I could be at her place and somewhere be like her. When I could understand where my life was going every other step, that I were to take. I just dreamt and dreamt, that day. I was sitting on a sofa, and my eyes were set on the guitar. I could see dust laden on its bridge, and how I hadn't noticed it earlier. I felt miserable, the hundredth time that day. It wasn't just about that day alone, for; it had been a continuation of years and years back and forth. My regrets had been adding upon, but I couldn't do much. I was in such a fix, that to attain happiness I could only feel the glory of other people. I wasn't jealous, but I was just sad. That, why didn't I pursue my dream? That why I hadn't taken a stand for my passion? Just why?
By referring to my passion that I couldn't continue the way I could have for my own good, I remember the reason why I had started playing the guitar. I remember, her. Dhreti. I was in eighth standard, when I had met her first. She was a person, who made me feel so close to her, and in the meanwhile she had left. I had waited and waited for Dhreti, but she never came back. She was never mine, so why would she even come my way? I reflected at the stupidity of my past beliefs. But, I waited for her still. It was through my music, that I could sense her smile, that I could feel she was looking at me. While, I was sitting at the sea-shore, it was Dhreti who came and sat next to me. How, I had been in love, with someone who didn't even care for me. Said the reality. I said; "Right! I was stupid, yet a lover." Lovers are lovers. You dare not speak anything against them. I respect them, because I know, how it was to be one.
Then, after she disappeared from school; I never found out her whereabouts. I was such a loser! Still kept with a belief that she would come back to say me a hello, that maybe she liked me too; whereas I had loved her with all my heart. The person, who was light to my day. Yes, I go on saying all these things because I know I was a true lover. I don't want to add on much, to my grief, but I could never move on. Just because, I never expected anything more in life. More meant, her physical presence; that didn't matter in the coming days. She was with me, I thought. Said my imaginary world. In the hum of music, she was there with me. In my beliefs, she had loved me. But, what I feel is that; I can't be with her always. That, maybe I have started to lose interest in her lately. This I say because, I am busy most of the time dealing with the stock market, and then with the accounts of business companies. In this fast moving world, I wonder; where do I get time, to spend with her? In past days my music meant to me everything, because she was everything to me. She taught me manners. The boy, who didn't know how to utter a single word to a girl, could sooner become a member of the school choir, she would have never thought so. Just because, I never said it to her, what I had in my heart for her. On the other hand, she was so beautiful a person that she did all that good to me, she made my life worth living. I learnt things because I had a reason to learn for.
Yes, I had learnt guitar to impress her with strumming, with playing those heartfelt notes, which I wasn't able to express to her in words. I was shy, and she had known this very nature of mine. So, whatever beauty I got in my life was because of her. So, I had felt that within my music, she was present. I had loved her, I had loved music. No one could take them away from me. But, then I had my responsibilities and I had to leave my guitar from my 'passion' and 'dream' to move it to a mere tag of a 'hobby'.
I had seen my guitar longing for me, and I played it and played all my favourite childhood songs that day. I was happy that instant. This I felt because I caught sight of Dhreti yet again. People may call me a romantic fool but let them say it, at least I am with my love, and that's all what matters to me even today, when I sing. I know, she smiles back at me.
As all this happened to my life, so I questioned myself regarding my state. I knew that my life couldn't go casually forever. I had to take control of it. I had to leave the bus that was taking me wherever it willed. I had to change the direction of my bus, and move towards a journey that would let me breathe love every single moment and yes, I don't want to wait for ten hours every day, after work to catch my guitar. I have known now, what my dream was and is. I was just looking for the right moment to realise it. Yes, I can do it. Yes, I could live up to my dreams, with my love. I could be an, Artist yet again. I have realised it, this moment.
To be continued..
Next in--
(Chapter- 19) At,
Time: 8:00 A.M.
Date: 29/12/2014
Date: 29/12/2014
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