Nobody's worth living for! Part-4, by Kasak!

                                                  About the writer!

The writer known by a pen name, Kasak is a fitness freak, who does modelling and in his words, he is someone who, "emphasises on all experiences in life". He likes to travel and it is music that keeps him motivated. 

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 Nobody's worth living for!

For, part-1 visit the link, http://www.gagansvaid.blogspot.in/2014/11/guest-blog-by-kasak.html

For, part-2 visit the link, http://gagansvaid.blogspot.in/2014/12/kasak-continues.html

For, part-3 visit the link, http://gagansvaid.blogspot.in/2014/12/nobodys-worth-living-for-part-3.html

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Nobody's worth living for! Part-4

It is Diwali, the festival of celebration and joy. The beautiful city boasts of a phenomenal display of Pomp and Show. People are enjoying fireworks, sweets, card games and what not. Simar is working till late to meet her deadline and Rishit is alone at her condo, getting a good view of the city from the nineteenth floor. He briefly thinks about Shivani and feels sunk in his chest. He lights up a cigarette. It has been two weeks since Rishit has been in Mumbai and he doesn’t want to go back at all. But inevitably, he has to. Commitments, gig schedules and predominantly, life awaits him. He knows that his escape cannot last forever. In the end, Reality takes over.

“Happy Diwali Mr. Rockstar! Wait what the hell! You are smoking again? This is just ridiculous!” says Simar, wonderfully dressed in Indian attire.

“Come here! Happy Diwali sweetheart!” Rishit gives a long bear hug to her.

“Idiot! You almost crushed me to pieces. Anyway, let’s celebrate now?”

“Oh really? I have been waiting for you since eternity madam. All you MNC people are charged with reasons for being late. Look at the time! It’s almost 12 AM, the day is almost over! Where do you intend to party now?”

“MNC people! That is one good tagline. Hahahaha! By the way, Shanaya thought you were a douchebag! Just letting you know for your information!” Simar says and bursts out laughing.

“I warned you beforehand!” Rishit smiles and winks at her. He wonders that the definition of the word ‘douchebag’ differs between individuals, because that is exactly what he thought about Shanaya too.

“Get moving! And throw away that cigarette or I’ll shove it up your ass!”

“Fine! Where are we heading?”

“Oh don’t worry. You’ll know that in a while. You may have been a ‘Mumbaikar’ to start with but I am one by heart!”

“Yeah right”

Simar drives Rishit to Bandstand, the seaside extension of Bandra. The suburb boasts of mansion like film star houses, all sea facing. Crowds gather around each house just to catch one glimpse of their favourite movie star and when occasionally they see them, they would be struck with ‘euphorilyptic fits’ (a new addition to the English dictionary, oxford take note!). Today was no different. All mansions were beautifully lit up and people celebrated around the area in their own contradicting ways. Some were entranced by the display of fireworks, while others clicked selfies and enjoyed group discussions. Rishit and Simar decided to walk around the long stretch and enjoy their favourite ‘cycle coffee’ (Coffee sold by bicycle vendors across the city, usually during wee hours of the night).

“See that is Mannat. ShahRukh’s house! Look at the crowd standing outside, it’s crazy!” says Simar, pointing towards a huge illuminated mansion.

“Simar! I know that. I have spent the first decade of my life here, in case you forgot.” Rishit says with a straight face.

“Okay! Okay! Chill.”

A sweet melody falls on Rishit’s ears as they walk around the sea pavement. Coming closer to the wonderful sound of the melody, Rishit sees the back of a frail person facing the sea who is tuning his guitar. He starts playing and Rishit signals Simar to stop for a while. The melody has a magnetic effect on him, which makes him want to go closer to examine the hands that play it, making it seem like a  child’s play. The guitarist’s gifted voice complements the instrument phenomenally and more heads turn towards him as he starts singing.

“I have seen this guy here before!” says Simar.

“Really? He sounds so good! I think he is even better than me. Look at him; he is so engrossed in his song. Who is he?”

“Yes, on a few occasions! When I am here at night with friends around the same time, he is always here sitting on this fixed place of his. He sings for a while and then disappears. I wonder why he doesn’t pursue music professionally. I think you should give him some tips!”

“Sure! If not that, I at least want to let him know that he is really good!”

“You see the eunuch there, sitting right beside him?” Simar says, pointing towards the seating area alongside the pavement.

“Yes”

“That is his girlfriend! Or at least that is what people jokingly say. She is always present with him when he sings!”

Rishit waits for the guy to finish his song and then goes and sits right beside him.

“Dude! You are really awesome. Hasn’t anyone told you this before! Are you a professional? If not please consider music as a career. Trust me, you have a bright future!” Rishit blurts out in excitement.

“Thanks man! Do you sing as well?” He replies with a smile.

“Yes! As a hobby I do, sometimes!” Rishit lies.

“So what are you waiting for? Let’s jam!”

His fingers touch the strings and vibrations which come out are magical. Rishit and the guy make a personal mash-up of songs and a huge crowd gathers around to be a part of the musical quest. Some click pictures, some sing along and everybody seems to be enjoying. Simar is making a video recording of their mini-concert. A couple requests them for a romantic number which they oblige them with. All the love birds hold their hands watching the duo in awe. They sing till they drop and acknowledge the crowd with a formal bow. Then they sit by the pavement for a smoke, facing the sea.

“Dude you aren’t just a ‘hobby’ singer. You are way more professional than that! I sense something fishy. Anyway, Ultra-mild?” The guy says, carefully keeping his guitar into its cover bag.

“Sure!”

They talk music for a while.

“Dude I know I sound paranoid but I am telling you this again, our country craves talented musicians like you! Consider a career in the industry. Start by making a personal Youtube channel or do whatever, but at least make people aware of your existence. You are a star man, trust me!” Rishit emphasizes his words and looks deep into the eyes of the guy.

“That is really flattering and kind of you man but music for me isn’t about getting acknowledged for my art, it’s different!” The guy says and smiles. His smile is very cute and carefree, just the one you would see on a five year olds face.

“Then what is it about?”

“It’s about her!”

Rishit is stunned. This is where things get interesting. He wants to hold back but gives in to the temptation of asking the guy of his personal sob story. Who knows? He might find his answer here.

“Tanya and I had been together since school. It was a seven year long relationship. She was the one who introduced me to music in the first place. I promised her that I will excel at it and would never quit, because she thought I was meant for it. This is the place we used to come to often and I sang for her until night subsided and day broke. This is also the place where I proposed her for marriage two years back.”

“So what happened then? I mean your words suggest that things are pretty good!”

“Yes things were good until she was here.”

“Was? What does that mean? Did you guys break up? You guys are still together right?”

“No brother! A car accident took her away from me just a few days after she accepted my proposal. Following that day, I come here at every chance I get and sense her presence. She kisses me through the breeze and her caress makes me want to sing for her until my last breath. This is what music is for me!”

“I am really sorry for your loss man!” Rishit is out of legitimate words for the occasion.

“Don’t be! You still haven’t heard my complete story. I never told you how much of a support Pyaari has been for me.” The guy points at the eunuch, sitting at the same spot and looking at him with admiration. Their eyes meet and they look at each other for a while. The eunuch playfully signals to him to go back to his conversation with Rishit.

“Oh!”

“Pyaari has always been a pillar of support that helped me through endless painful moments. She has been a friend, guide and a house of encouragement. Honestly, if she wouldn’t have persuaded, I would have quit music a long time back!”

“Yes! Don’t get offended man but your words suggest that she loves you!” Rishit says.

“Yes she does and that is why I am concerned. This has been eating me up for quite a while. I don’t know how to reciprocate to her feelings.”

“Is it because she is a eunuch?” Rishit immediately regrets his words.

“No brother! I believe in love beyond physical appearances and societal constraints. Loving somebody with pre-conceived notions and prejudices isn’t really my thing. But I fear being disloyal to Tanya! I mean I have lived all of myself for her and even though she is gone now, I feel accountable with my choices to her!”

“So what does Pyaari have to say about this?”

“She says that she loves me unconditionally. Even if I don’t reciprocate her feelings, she will continue loving me. She has proved that by being there for me every time I need her. It is because of her that I continue living in peace. I can’t really imagine my life without her now.”

“It is evident that you love her too. Life has been kind enough to give you a second chance; you must not let it go friend.” Rishit gets up to leave and Simar gestures him to wait until she gets the car.

“Hmm” The guy looks confused.

“Okay, answer this for me! Who are you living for? Say the first thing that comes to your mind!”

“I don’t know man. This is a difficult one to crack but one thing is sure, I have desired pure and unadulterated love to be present in my life, always.”

“There you go man, you said it! I hope you’ve understood what you ought to do now!”

“B..But what about Tanya?” The guy seeks reassurance in Rishit’s eyes.

“In order to make new stories, old ones must end. Think about it.” Rishit is amazed of the words that just came out of his mouth. They sound very unlikely him. Startled, he takes leave.

Through the car’s window, Rishit catches a brief glimpse of the guy and deep embrace with eunuch. He feels immense joy by helping the guy make his right desired choice. If only he could help himself with his answers. He smiles at Simar, who is now driving. Pyaari! That was one hilarious name!

Its early morning and the sun’s warmth is feeble due to the last night’s unexpected shower. The weather is a fine blend of sunny and overcast. The presence of the cool morning sea breeze is almost mystifying, striking a perfect balance and what would happen next is hard to predict. Rishit has just booked his Tatkal train ticket back home and it’s his last day in his beloved city. He takes a cab to marine drive out of impulse, like he is being controlled by the some unknown force. He feels immense desire to be at the place one last time. The cab drops him at Nariman Point and he goes and sits by the reclaimed rocky surface, right where the city meets its end and infinity begins at Arabian Sea. He can spot two love-bird couples at a distance, looking at him briefly then returning to their privacy. He smiles and looks into the depths of the sea, which is a little rough due to the strong breeze.

He is alone, but his mind is wandering. Thinking about the past, Shivani,  his unexpected arrival in Mumbai, prior music commitments, his almost broke condition and now reluctance to go back. If given a choice, he would prefer alcohol induced thoughtlessness over the current upheaval ripping his mind apart. He closes his eyes and focuses on the sound of the wind, which is getting stronger. Now, it is almost certain that it’ll rain. His eyes briefly meet a radiant beautiful face, who is sitting at a small distance on his right. He looks at her intently. Dressed in a long white robe and precious stones tied all over her body, she looks mystic. She seems thirty, if not less. Rishit feels a strange urge to go and talk to her but doesn’t quite know which of his outdated pick-up lines would suit the occasion. She catches him looking at her and breaks into a little giggle.

“Hey! You can join me if you like!” She says with a smile on her face.

“Sure. How about sharing a cycle coffee together?” Rishit says, pointing to the vendor standing at a distance.

“Sounds good!  I don’t usually drink coffee but today the weather is perfect!”

Rishit goes to the vendor and returns with two small thermocol coffee glasses. He hands her one glass, gestures her a brief ‘cheers!’ and takes his first sip.

“So, you randomly turned up so early at this place?” Rishit asks, trying to break the ice.

“This is place looks most beautiful in the mornings. Most people don’t know that. The positive vibes you get from this place early morning are intriguingly amazing. Plus obviously, there are less people.” She says blowing into her glass, then taking her first sip.

“Sure the place looks amazing! You come here often?” He looks at her distinguished demeanor and examines it intently. She feels evolved. “She must be an astrologer or something” he wonders to himself.

“Not really! But today the divine wants me to be present here and be with you.”

“Ahaan! So you came here for me?” Rishit playfully asks.

“Yes.” She takes a long pause. “I came exclusively for you ‘Rishit’”. She winks at him.

“Woah! What? How do you know my name?” Rishit is mind blown.

“I know everything divine wants me to know.”

“I think I should leave. This is strange.” Rishit gets up.

“Hahahahaha!”  The woman bursts into laughter. Rishit feels scared.

“You’re laughing? Wait, are you human? Shit! Are you a Ghost? I doubted that first because of the number of stones you have on your body?”

“That’s so rude Rishit!” Her expression drops. Can’t I play a little prank on you? Stop overreacting okay! You have a Youtube channel which gets you more than a million views. You should know that you are popular here too. God, you are so stupid!” The woman gives him an angry smirk.

“Oh! I am so sorry. I am indeed, very stupid. Shit! But what about these stones you’re wearing?”

“I am a Reiki practitioner. I heal people off their negative energies.”

“Wow! That is why you were talking so much ‘divine’ stuff!”

“Hahaha! Yes! That’s the thing with us healers. Words like soul, divine, angels, vibes, light etc become a part of our verbal vocabulary.” She smiles, feeling the strong wind caressing her long hair and brushing through her beautiful eyelids.

“You’re beautiful!” Rishit observes her features intently.

“Thanks!” She blushes like a teenage anime girl.

“I need your guidance on something?”

“I know what you want to say. That’s precisely why I am here. We have a lot to untangle.”

“Really? There is something strange here. You know a lot about me and I’m sure Youtube can’t tell you all that! How?”

“Yes, that’s true.”

“Go on, I am listening” Rishit smirks.

“What if I tell you that your sudden trip to Mumbai wasn’t a coincidence in the first place and you were here to be present with me at this precise moment?” She says, leaving Rishit spellbound.

“So I came here to see you all the way from Delhi? But why?” He asks, confused. His heartbeat gets louder in haste.

“Because we are soul mates! And divine wants to use me as a medium for your enlightenment and realization.”

“Soul mates? Like lovers made for each other right? Well I don’t really know what you mean as by ‘divine’ but yes; I am seeking a few answers desperately!”

“No! Not lovers. A soul mate is designed to assist another soul in its path. Soul mates are different people we meet at different intervals in our lives, when their presence is necessary for our  holistic and spiritual growth. What people confuse soul mates with are Twin-flames, who are two souls meant to love each other beyond time and logic. But let us not get into those details, you already look confused. Anyway, what answers are you seeking?” She asks, all intense and focused, like a teacher.

“I don’t know! I came here because I needed to escape reality for a while. I had a terrible break-up a few months back which made me wonder who I was living for. Before that, my family abandoned me because I didn’t fit into their ‘perfect son’ terminology as I followed music as my heart was there. I asked myself the same question then. I have met people here too and have only been disappointed, which desperately inclined me towards my quest for answers.”

She closes her eyes and shifts into a deep trance. Rishit looks at her strangely. After a while she opens her eyes and looks at the sea, which is getting aggressive because of the strong wind.

“Hello! Madam! Did you even hear me?” Rishit asks her, making complicated gestures.

“Look at the sea. How is it at the moment?” She signals her index finger in the direction of the sea.

“Umm..it is really wild now, like it possesses a lot of rage inside. But isn’t that strange? Usually it is very tranquil.”

“That is exactly what it is trying to tell you!”

“WHAT?”

“Your current situation is a temporary phase where in you are enraged by your circumstances. Giving in to reality, you don’t have much to rebel against. Just like the sea is unwillingly obeying to the strong winds, causing a disruption to its usually calm demeanor. But once the wind moves forth, the sea will become calm again. It’s just about accepting the situation for what it really is now. Enduring the fact that your answers will come when divine decides that it’s the right time for them to come.” She says.

“That was really a wonderful intonation. The sea told you all that?” He giggles at her perception.

“Your answers are always subtle signs the nature tries to communicate through its elements. You just have to look for messages. Particularly for you, the sea brings you closer to your enlightenment. It refreshes your soul. That is another reason why you are here in Mumbai. Your soul desired this recreation.”

The woman made sense. Although Rishit couldn’t grasp every word of hers but he knew how much he loved the sea. On another dimension, his soul was getting closer to its equilibrium and his subconscious self was being healed. Her words were the medium.

“So what must I do to find my answers?” Rishit asks.

The sky has now reached its darkest version of grey and a subtle drizzle has begun.

“Just like the sea, you must brave the gales until they pass. Also, you must let go of all the acrimony!”

“That is really difficult to do, you know!”

“It surely is. We are just human and it’s natural to detest people and circumstances that have wronged us. But in order to discover our true selves, we have to forgive them and move ahead. If we don’t, they stay like shackles all over our body, making our journey painful and strenuous. In other words, to become what you desire, you have to sacrifice who you currently are. That is where your cleansing is done. That’s where you emerge.” Her words provide Rishit his much desired reassurance.

“Yes that’s right!” Rishit says and feels a thick water droplet on his nose.

Soon, it starts pouring heavily. The cycle coffee vendor flees and the love bird couples have their umbrellas out and start walking to find a cab. Rishit closes his eyes and feels the water droplets falling down his soul, freeing him from all his miseries. He looks at the sea and the coconut trees at a distance, all dancing along the tunes of nature. The woman has started walking with her back turned towards him and she is calling a cab.

“Hey! Wait. Where are you going? He asks.

“Going back. My job is done!” A cab stops and she opens its back door. The rain gets heavier.

“Okay. So when do we meet again? Can I take you out sometime?”

“We won’t meet again Rishit. The divine doesn’t want us to.” Rishit is infuriated.

“Fine! Thank You for your help!” He furiously mocks her.

“Bye Rishit! She smiles at him and gestures the cab driver to move.

“Listen! Listen! Wait up” Rishit runs behind the cab. She signals the driver to bring it to stop. He follows, panting.

“Yes Rishit!”

“My question has still not been answered! I want to know my reason for living! With my family, friends and love left behind, who is it that I am living for? Please sort this for me. I’d be really grateful!”

“Your soul has the answer. You have already begun to sense it. Just be aware of it now.”

“That’s just not done! Okay fine. At least tell me your name! Or you don’t have one ‘Ms. Super mysterious’?”

She smiles at him as the taxi starts moving. It disappears into the depths of the falling rain along the curved stretch.

Drenched, he starts walking by the pavement. The water being his elixir.

“I forgive you Shivani.” He mumbles to himself and lets the rain rip open the dungeons of his pained heart.
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Kasak
for Artist Address